I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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