when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it hurts more in the daytime
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
