The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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