but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
