I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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