i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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