Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm just crazy horny about you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
soo... how was my night?
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