i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
