as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
