he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
