sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Of course I have a pirate flag
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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