Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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