he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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