i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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