I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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