Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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