He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
