Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
