I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
