Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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