I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
