This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Enjoy the penises
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
