I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
