Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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