i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
