Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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