Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
