were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
