man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i think my cat just said my name.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
