I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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