im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
