paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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