I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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