is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
