My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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