I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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