I just cut my nipple shaving
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
