Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
