You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
