Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
