You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
