They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
