You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize