talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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