I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
