i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
as a side note pls kill me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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