Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
