I'm eating all of the evidence.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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