dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
