There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize