After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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