tell your sister to shave her snatch
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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