conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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