dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I should be sponsored by Trojan
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
