I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
