I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
