Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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