I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
