You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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