I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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