My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
