Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
