vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
