whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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