dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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