Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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