I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
