did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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