: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
