I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
