Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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