I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
