Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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