did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
