Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
