this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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