If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
