Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
