Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
